I Love You, I Love You Not
by A. Amishi
Summary: The moment of truth has come in Daria and Tom's relationship. Is Daria ready to take their relationship to the next level?


Title: I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU NOT 

Author: Ashitaka 

Description: The moment of truth has come in Daria and Tom's relationship. Is Daria ready to take their relationship to the next level? 

Disclaimer: "Daria" and all related titles, logos, and characters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division of Viacom International, Inc. All rights reserved by trademark-holders under United States National and International Law and Convention. 

Acknowledgements: I'd like to say a special thanks to Oliver for your constructive feedback, to Jeremy for your support and laughter, to Natasha for your patience in putting up with my persistent nagging and to Maggie for your love and support. A very special thanks to Artic Rose. Your help made the posting of this story possible. You guys are the best.

Prelude 

This, the last Friday of the month, was not unlike how the rest of the month had been. It was an unseasonably mild and dry April, which suited Daria and Tom just fine. Though Daria usually preferred to just sit in the Sloane's family-room and watch television with Tom or sit on the floor in his bedroom and debate the merits of the latest book they both read, she was getting used to the idea of going out in public with Tom. In the past three weeks they went to an outdoor concert, a street fair, museum hopping and sailing; and while she did get sick sailing, the way Tom dawdled over her afterwards was both enjoyable and ego inflating. 

To think someone as handsome, intelligent and well to do as Tom Sloane would want to spend so much time with her. It was almost too good to be true. Daria remembered when they got back together and started dating again at the beginning of the school year. Tom said he was willing to take it slow because he liked her. She could only imagine Tom had no idea how slow Daria was willing to go. After almost losing her best friend over him, she was not willing to let her relationship with Tom get in the way of her friendship with Jane again. Daria insisted they go out only once every other week to start, and that's how it went for more then four months. Jane eventually told Daria she needed to stop spending so much time with her and start spending more time with Tom. When Daria protested that Tom agreed to take it slow and that she was unwilling to jeopardize their friendship, Jane countered, "Snails move faster than Tom and you are, and as far as we are concerned, don't worry about it! I'm secure enough to know we won't let anyone or anything get in the way of our friendship. It's time you were too." 

With those words in mind, Daria called Tom for the second time that week. Tom was so surprised he was certain it was one of his schoolmates playing a joke on him. After a little persuasion he was finally convinced it was actually she. She told him she was ready to start seeing him more then just once every other week. You'd have thought Tom just won tickets to a live taping of Sick, Sad World, he was so overjoyed. Only then did Daria realize how incredibly patient Tom had been with her, and how much he must have liked her to be so patient so long. She still limited their dating to two days a week and only every other weekend, making sure Jane got equal time in her eyes. But at least now she didn't mind talking on the phone with him on a regular basis. They even got in the habit of calling each other every night (except when Daria slept over Jane's, that time was Jane time) telling each other how their day went or what book they were currently reading. 

Things couldn't be much better. Tom had once asked her to trust him, not something she did easily, but Tom was making it easy by being charming and funny and always a perfect gentleman. He never tried to force himself on her, he never attempted to touch her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable, and he never suggested they needed to advance their physical relationship. Daria didn't feel pressured in the least bit, not at all, at least not till yesterday. The funny thing about it was that the pressure was self-imposed. Now she had a decision to make. 

Daria needed someone to talk this over with. That someone, she knew, would be Jane, but she didn't want anyone at school overhearing their conversation. At the same time she knew if she spent any time at all with Jane, she'd be too inclined to start telling her. Daria concluded that her only solution was to avoid Jane until the end of the school day and then go to her house and tell her. 

Chapter 1 

Daria spotted Jane walking out of the building and broke into a slow jog trying to catch up to her. As she past through the doors she called out, "Jane, wait up!" 

Jane turned around slowly, not looking at all happy. Standing with her left hand on her waist and tapping her right foot in impatient annoyance, she waited for Daria to get within hearing range of her. 

"What do YOU want Ms. Morgendorffer?" 

Being addressed as Ms. Morgendorffer caused Daria to stop dead in her tracks, not three feet from Jane. Daria knew Jane must feel like she blew her off today for no good reason, so she refrained from making a biting comeback, simply saying, "I need to talk to you." 

"Oh! NOW you want to talk to me but all day long you've avoided me like the plague," Jane responded. 

__

Okay, easing Jane's bruised ego is going to take some explaining, Daria thought. 

"I have something I really need to talk to you about but I didn't want anyone else to overhear and I knew if I spoke to you before school was out, I'd breakdown and spill my guts before the end of the day." Daria tried to explain. 

"So because you can't keep a secret for 8 hours, you made me feel like the bastard child at a family reunion?" Jane snapped back. 

Daria, unable to look Jane in the eye after that comeback, "Ah, yeah, I suppose. Sorry," she said sheepishly looking up to Jane with eyes seeking forgiveness. 

Jane didn't seem as angry as she was just a minute ago, but still she countered, "Well, that sucks." 

Daria replied, "Didn't you know? Life sucks and then you die and the IRS takes everything you've worked your whole life for so that life sucks for your family, and so on, and so on. It's a never ending cycle." Daria cracked a small grin hoping Jane would take the bait. 

As she hoped, Jane replied, "So that's what they mean by 'the circle of life'." 

__

Okay, all is forgiven. Time for a closing comeback. "It's what makes the world go round." 

Just as Daria had hoped, Jane had forgiven her. She knew she would, it was just a question of how long it would take. This took less time then she thought it would. That was good. Now she could finally tell Jane what she'd wanted to tell her all day long, but how to start, she didn't have a clue. 

They turned and started walking towards Jane's house. Daria was looking down, looking for the words to start with. 

"Having a problem walking and talking at the same time?" Jane kidded. 

"Umm." 

"Yes, I can see why you avoided me today. It wasn't that you were afraid of spilling your guts, you were afraid of becoming a speechless idiot." 

Daria stifled a laugh. "Thanks." 

"Anytime." 

Finally Daria said, "Jane, when did you know it was the right time," she paused a beat, "for," another beat, "you know?" 

Jane looked over at Daria with one eyebrow raised. _What on earth is she talking about, _Jane pondered_. Time for some good natured teasing. _"Oh, my god, Daria, I'm so proud of you! You've had your first period." 

Daria shot Jane a look that could kill, "You want to end up on a milk cartoon, don't you?! Forget I asked." 

"Asked what?" 

"Forget it, I said." 

"Forget wha… Ohh! I get it. Your talking about intercourse, copulation, coitus, coition, congress, carnal knowledge, making-love, joining, relations, SEX!" 

__

Why did I even say anything, mourned Daria. "Yes, thesaurus girl, SEX!" Daria said with genuine anger. "Now say it a little louder. I don't think my mom heard you across town. God knows everyone else did!" Daria stormed off. 

"Daria! Wait!" Jane ran to catch up to her, "You just caught me by surprise. I didn't think we'd have this discussion until the third or fourth year of your marriage." 

"Thanks," Daria snapped back angrily. 

"Come on Daria, its not like you exude warmth, if you know what I mean." 

Daria stops abruptly and turned to face Jane who stopped a half step behind her. "Oh, so now I'm FRIGID, am I?!" 

"That's not what I said. I just mean…" 

Daria cut her off, "What DO you mean, Jane? That I'm incapable of having a physical relationship with someone or that no one would be desperate enough to want to have a physical relationship with me?" 

"No, no, no … Ah, can we start over again?" 

"Forget it Jane. I'm sorry I even brought it up," Daria started walking away. 

__

Boy you really did it this time Jane. "Daria wait, please!" As Jane ran to catch up to her once again, "I'm sorry, really. Come on, let's go to my house and talk…no teasing. I promise." 

Daria, still looking away from Jane, knew she wouldn't know what to do about Tom until she talked this out. It wasn't that she expected Jane to provide her any great insight, she just needed to hear herself make the argument. Besides, deep inside she knew Jane had every right to be shocked by her news, she just wished it hadn't taken place in the middle of the street_. Jane's house sounds like a good idea. And if I can get a meal out of it all the better. _"Oh, all right," she said with mock exasperation, "but you have to feed me too." 

"No Problemo! I think we still have some leftover Chinese Food from about two weeks ago." 

__

Wonderful, food poisoning. "Oh, yummy, I can't wait," Daria deadpanned. 

They walked the rest of the way to the Lane household in silence. Neither wanted to say anything that could set the other off. Their thoughts were similar, though: _Let's just calm down and approach this rationally._

Chapter 2 

At Casa Lane, in Jane's room, Daria was sitting at the foot of Jane's bed, T.V. remote in hand, flicking through the channels. As Jane walked in the room Daria flicked the television off. Jane handed Daria a plate with a sandwich on it and a sliced pickle on the side. "Sorry, the Chinese went bad, I blame it on the lack of MSGs." 

"I know, just because a few people suffer violent allergic reactions to the stuff resulting in seizures, that's no reason to punish the rest of us from being able to keep leftover Chinese food in the fridge for a month or two." 

"I agree. I whipped you up a tuna sandwich." 

"Oh great, I get to eat Flipper instead." 

Suddenly Daria realized she wasn't really all that hungry. She set the sandwich down next to her and readied herself to tell Jane what was on her mind. 

Meanwhile Jane had taken a seat on the floor, Indian style. Seeing that Daria was having a hard time figuring out how to start, Jane decided to make it easier on her and gave her an easy lead in. "So you and Tom are thinking about moving your relationship to the next level? What brought that on, may I ask?" 

Fidgeting a little and avoiding direct eye contact with Jane, Daria said, "well, yesterday we were at his house watching Sick, Sad World..." 

[Flashback to Tom's house with Tom and Daria sitting in the family room watching T.V.] 

On the T.V., "Were the chickens you eat fed the remains of other chickens? Chicken cannibalism NEXT on Sick, Sad World." 

"That reminds me," Tom said, "are you hungry? I know I am." 

Daria replied, "Mmmm, how 'bout some KFC?" 

"I was thinking of just ordering in a pizza, but I could always ask if their pork sausage is made from cannibalistic pigs." 

"Be sure to," Daria said with a smile. 

Grinning back, Tom got up and went over to the phone to place the order. While ordering, Daria asked, "ah, so Tom, where is your family? I just noticed, I haven't seen anyone else around." 

Tom hung up the phone and headed back to the sofa. "It'll be here in 30 minutes." It took him a second to realize she was still waiting for a response to her question. "Oh, my family, they went out of town for a long weekend. They left only a few minutes before you arrived. Sorry you missed them." 

"Why didn't you go with them?" 

"Well, though there aren't any classes for me this week, I'm scheduled to take my Harvard Placement Exams this Saturday. My folks agreed that staying home and taking the exams were a little more important then going to the Cape for the weekend." 

"Well, shouldn't you be studying instead of sitting here with me?" 

"I've been studying all day long. I needed a break. Besides, I was hoping after we enjoyed our scrumptious meal together," Tom leaned in towards Daria and looking at her with eyes filled with longing, "I could persuade you to," he paused, "help me study." Tom broke a small grin. 

"Pizza and Sick, Sad World; you sure know how to charm a girl," Daria smiled back. 

With a hint of surprise in his voice, he asked, "Is that a yes?" 

"How could I possibly say no to such a seductive offer?" Tom gave Daria a big smile and put his arm around her shoulder. Though Daria had never before been accustom to this type of physical contact on a regular basis, these past few months had loosened her up somewhat. Not only did she not mind having Tom touch her in this manner, she enjoyed returning the favor. She rested her head on his shoulder and placed her right hand on his left thigh, just above the knee. 

[Back in Jane's bedroom] 

Jane had just take a second bite out of the sandwich she made for Daria. 

"So after Sick, Sad World and the pizza, we went up to Tom's room to study," said Daria. 

Jane swallowed down the bite of the sandwich and interjected, "Or so he said," with a raised eyebrow. "Smooth move, did you really fall for that line or did you give in willingly?" 

Annoyed, Daria responded, "What are you talking about? What LINE?" 

"The come up to my room and study line." 

"It was no line. That's what we did. For the next three hours I quizzed him." 

"And then he made his move." 

"Are you going to be quiet and listen?" 

"Sorry but the sexual tension is getting to be too much for me to handle." 

"SHUT UP!" Daria snapped. 

"Sorry, go on." 

"Well, like I said, we studied for 3 hours." 

[Flashback to Tom's room] 

Tom raised his hands to his head. "Enough! One more question and my brain is going to go into meltdown." 

"Honest? I'd pay real money to see that," Daria said. 

"No, really, I've had it. Enough for today," Tom pleaded. 

Taking this opportunity to tease him, Daria playfully said, "awe pleeease! Just one more?" 

"I'm begging you, enough. My brain hurts." 

"Want some Spam to make it feel better?" 

"I don't think that will work this time, besides we're all out of Spam and cold cuts just aren't the same," Tom said jokingly while making a weak attempt at smiling. 

Remembering how caring Tom was when she got sea sick, Daria decided to cut him a break. She began unlacing her boots. 

"What are you doing?" Tom asked, one eyebrow raised. 

"You'll see," she replied as she set her boots on the side of the bed. She kneeled on the bed and patted the spot where she had been sitting saying, "Come on sit here, I'll make you feel better." 

[Back in Jane's room] 

Daria was sitting with her feet under her and leaning to her left, with her arm providing support on the bed. Jane was on the floor with a half eaten sandwich in her hand. 

"So WHY did you take off your boots?" Jane asked, still chewing the last bite of the sandwich. 

"Because I was going to have my feet on Tom's bed." 

"So, you put your boots on your bed all the time." 

"That's my bed." 

Looking at how Daria was sitting now, "You put your boots on my bed all the time as well." 

"That's your bed." 

Jane raised her eyebrow, giving Daria a stern look. Daria responded undaunted, "are you going to let me finish?" 

Jane answered, "By all means. Don't let me or my bed stop you." 

[Flashback to Tom's room] 

Slowly Tom got up from the chair and sat on the bed with his back to Daria, "Okay, but be gentle, my head really does feel like tapioca pudding." 

"Luckily for you I'm more of a Jell-O gal," Daria responded as she gently ran her fingers over Tom's temples in a circular motion." 

"Mmmm." 

"I'll take that as a sign of approval." 

"Mmmmost definitely," Tom moaned. 

Daria continued the temple massage for a few more minutes, then ran her fingers up to the top of Tom's forehead and throw his scalp, back to the base of his neck. This elicited an even deeper moan. Daria smiled and repeated the move, causing Tom to moan once again, a little softer this time. This time when Daria's hands reached the base of Tom's neck she started needing it to work out the tension there. "Wow, you're really tense," Daria announced. 

Grimacing in pain, Tom replied, "only a lot. I guess I've let this exam and the whole idea of Harvard get to me." 

Daria stopped massaging. "Am I hurting you?" 

"Yes, but its okay. It's a good hurt, just not any harder please." 

Daria started massaging again but quickly stopped, unzipped her jacket, took it off and laid it on the bed next to her. Then she continued massaging Tom's neck. 

[Back in Jane's room] 

"Okay, Stop Right There! Why did you take off your jacket?" Jane said accusingly pointing at Daria with a half-eaten pickle. 

"I was getting hot," responded Daria quite innocently. 

Again Jane flashed her that "REEEALLLY" look. 

"Not that kind of hot!" Snapped Daria. "Look, massaging Tom was the most exercise I've had all year. You've seen me in gym." 

Jane relaxed her face and lowered the pickle, "You're right, go on." 

[Flashback to Tom's room] 

Tom had his head leaned forward as Daria was running her thumbs up and down the base of his neck. Having worked herself to near exhaustion, her hands red and hot, and Tom's neck was pliable as a sponge, she leaned forward planting a kiss on Tom's neck, "all better?" 

"Mmmm, it is now." Turning around on the bed to face Daria. Since she was still kneeling, he had to look up to her. "Thanks, for everything. You've really made this day bearable. Enjoyable, in fact." 

Daria leaned in, kissed Tom on the lips and pulled back. "You're welcome." Looking in his eyes she felt drawn back to his lips, kissing him longer, deeper this time. While still kissing, Tom rose to his knees and positioned himself directly in front of Daria. Their hands circling around each other, they pressed their bodies tightly together. As they reluctantly broke their kiss, their eyes both cast down looking at the others lips, still so inviting, still quivering, Daria said, "You know, we are the only ones in the house. No chance of interruptions." 

"That fact hasn't escaped me." 

Daria looked up into Tom's eyes; Tom noticed and looked into Daria's. _Is he thinking what I'm thinking? _Daria asked herself. _Does he think we're ready for this next step in our relationship? He must he's a guy. He probably thought we were ready after our first date. No, that's not fair to him. He's never been anything but a perfect gentleman and has never even so much as hinted that he wanted or needed to do anything more then what we've just done. He's leaving it up to you. He's giving you the choice, the decision, the responsibility to decide whether you feel ready. So am I, and are we? _

Before Daria could answer herself Tom spoke, "Daria, before we go any further, there is something I feel I need to tell you." 

__

Oh, here it is. The Jane Eyre moment. What horrible story does he have to tell me? Will it be something that will send me running out the door never to return? I can't handle that right now, not with all these feelings so close to the surface right now. 

Almost as a self-defense mechanism Daria blurted out, "Let me guess, you're impotent?" 

Tom grinned, "No." 

"Then, you've been bequeathed to another through an arrangement by your parents when you were just 2 years old." 

"No", Tom said with a half laugh. 

"Okay, you're suffering from a not-so-rare but quite embarrassing sexually transmitted disease and you…" 

Tom raised his right hand and gently placed his fingers over Daria's lips, stopping her in mid-sentence. "No. Would you please just let me explain?" 

Daria nodded, Tom's fingers following the direction of the nod. He lowered his hand to Daria's side. "A few of years ago I went out with a girl. We'd known each other since 3rd grade and started dating when we were in 7th. Everything was going along fine until we started having sex a couple of years ago. At that point for some reason our relationship started going down hill. When we broke up, getting over her and the physical yearning I subsequently experienced was the hardest thing I ever had to do." 

Looking at Tom with both confusion and a small measure of jealousy Daria asked, "why are you telling me this?" 

"Because what I learned from that experience was when a relationship becomes sexual, it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship forever. Feelings are deeper. The joy shared is intensified." 

Daria smiled. 

"And the pain and suffering is also intensified." 

Daria's smile vanished. 

"I promised myself I wouldn't allow myself to be hurt in that way again, nor would I knowingly hurt another person in that same way. I concluded that the next time I make love, it would be with someone I was in love with, someone I was ready to make a serious commitment to." 

"And you don't want to make love to me because you don't love me. Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Daria said with her eyes downcast in embarrassment. _How could I ever think that a guy like Tom Sloane could possibly be serious about a girl like me._

"No!" Tom said, taking Daria's face in his hands gently but firmly and bringing her eyes level with his own to force her to look at him. "What I'm saying Daria is I feel myself falling in love with you and if we were to make love I would surely fall in love with you. I have no doubt about that fact." 

With mock amusement, Daria responded, "Oh heavens, we don't want that to happen do we?" 

"Not if you don't feel that same way about me." 

"Oh." 

"Daria, I care about you and I don't want to hurt you but I don't want to be hurt again either." 

"You know, even if we were in love that is no guarantee we wouldn't end up breaking up and hurting each other anyway." 

"I understand that. I know there are no guarantees in life, or in love; but I also know that when I'm in a relationship with someone who I really feel ready to commit myself to I'll do everything in my power to make it work." Looking poignantly into Daria's eyes, Tom continued, "And I hope she would feel the same way too." 

Daria's mouth suddenly became incredibly dry. Not knowing how to respond, she let her arms fall away from Tom and to her sides. Still staring at him, she tried in vain to come up with something to say but her mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. 

Tom finally broke the silence, "I'm sorry I ruined our evening," interpreting Daria's reaction as rejection. 

"You didn't ruin the evening, you just gave me a lot to think about. I guess you just took me by surprise." 

"How so?" 

"Well, not speaking from personal experience but I always thought that most guys in a situation like this would be thinking with their loins and not their head." 

"Sorry to disappoint you," Tom paused, "I think," grinning. 

"Don't be, I'm just amazed that after going out with you for over eight months you still have the ability to surprise me with your intelligence and sensitivity." 

Tom pulled her close and hugged her warmly. 

"It's getting late. I should take you home." 

Daria nodded. She released him and grabbed her jacket. Putting it on but not zipping it up she then put on her boots. After lacing them up and then zipping up her jacket, she stood up and looked around the room to see where Tom was. 

He had picked up his study book and placed it on his desk, then half sat and half stood in front of it waiting for Daria to finish getting ready. Trying in vain not to stare at her and mentally debating with himself if telling her all that he did was really the right thing to do or should he have just trusted his instincts and loved Daria the way he'd been wanting to love her for months now. _No, then it would have been about me and what I wanted not what Daria wanted, not what was right for the both of us. This was the right thing to do. She'll think it over, maybe even talk it over with Jane and then decide. Decide that yes she does feel for me the same way I feel for her', _he paused_, 'OR', _he paused again_, 'or…or not. What if she doesn't feel the same for me as I do for her? What if I've been deluding myself in believing that a girl, no a woman like Daria: intelligent, insightful, funny, with genuine depth and sensitivity, could be interested in a, what ! was it she called me that one time, An Elitist Snob. Does she still think that way, even a little?_

Tom broke out of his musings when he noticed Daria stand up from the bed. He looked up at her, trying to smile but failing. "Ready?" 

She could only manage a nod. 

They walked out to Tom's car and drove in silence to Daria's house. Pulling up in front, Tom turned off the car, turned to Daria and said, "Will I see you again tomorrow?" hoping beyond hope the answer was yes. 

"I don't think so, you really need to prepare for your test and you don't need any distractions from me. But I'd like to see you after the test on Saturday. We could talk about… umm, things," Daria said, turning a little red, which against her pale skin was extremely noticeable. 

"I'd like that," Tom replied, "I'll call you Saturday afternoon then." 

"I'll be expecting your call," Daria leaned over and gave Tom a gentle kiss, not trusting herself to go beyond that. Tom returned the kiss Wanting desperately to deepen it but not trusting himself, either, he refrained. He watched Daria retreat from his car and walk slowly up her walkway. 

Reaching her door, Daria unlocked it and turned around to see Tom still looking at her. She flashed him a small smile and a wave then waited a heartbeat to see Tom flash her a smile in return and a wave. She retreated into her house and locked the door behind her and listened to Tom's engine turn over and the car pull away. She turned around glad to see no one was in the living room to see her in her current state of confusion. She rushed upstairs and into her room, locking the door behind her. _Forget sleep tonight. There's no reason to even try. _She laid in her bed face up, alone with her thoughts, thoughts of Tom, of what almost happened tonight, of what might still happen on Saturday. 

'…I feel myself falling in love with you and if we were to make love, I would surely fall in love with you. I have **no** doubt about that fact.' "Yep, forget about sleep tonight." 

[Back in Jane's room] 

Jane sat the empty plate down in front of her, "Wow!" 

"I know." 

"So then what?" 

"What do you mean, then what? Then I laid awake all night, sleep walked through class and ended up here." 

"Oh yeah, right," Jane realized, "so what are you going to do?" 

"If I knew that already I wouldn't have spent the past half hour spilling my guts to you." 

"Well Daria, it seems to me your decision is actually quite simple." 

"Simple! Have you been listening at all? Tom just asked me if I loved him enough to commit to a long term relationship." 

"Well, do you? Are you?" 

"Its not that simple." 

"Its not that complicated either." 

"Yes it is. First of all, he's going to Harvard; we're going to NYU. He's planning on studying finance and eventually join his father's firm. I'm going to study journalism in hopes of exposing the seedy self-serving, greed inspired system Tom is going to be a part of." 

"Why don't you just say what's really holding you back?" 

"And that would be?" 

"You really are falling in love with Tom and it scares the hell out of you." 

Daria looked down at the floor then back up at Jane. "Is it really that obvious?" 

"No, not really, but I thought I'd take a chance." 

Giving Jane an annoyed look, Daria had no real recourse other then to admit to herself that she was right. The look of annoyance was replaced with one of confusion. "Why did he have to go and make such a big deal about it? I was perfectly happy just letting it be about sex and nothing else. Why did he have to make it so complicated?" 

"Because it is." Jane pointed out. 

"But why? Couldn't it just be about having a good time and getting laid?" 

"Sure it could, today. But then what happens tomorrow?" Jane paused, watching Daria's reaction. Seeing she had her undivided attention, she continued, "If you were just some kind of slut, then it wouldn't mean anything to you tomorrow ,but you're not. Tom knows this and apparently experience has taught him that there is a lot that goes along with it. It's like he said, '...feelings are intensified...' So the real question is, do you want to have sex with him because you love him or will you love him because you had sex with him?" 

"What's the difference?" 

"The difference is one has a chance to really work, to really turn into something that lasts; the other," Jane paused, "well, the other doesn't." 

With those words, Daria understood. She understood why Tom never pressured her before, why he stopped them last night. He didn't want their relationship to be about sex. He wanted it to be about trust, and respect and love. He knew and now so did she, that when they had a relationship based on these three things, the sex that would follow would only serve to intensify them. But without them already in place, sex would only serve to intensify the opposite: suspicion, disregard, and resentment. 

"So the bottom line is, do I trust him, do I respect him, do I love him?" Daria looked up at Jane and smiled, "You're a wise woman, Jane Lane." 

"You've just now noticed?" Jane replied playfully. 

Daria stood up and offered Jane a hand getting up off the floor. Then to Jane's surprise Daria hugged her. "Thanks for being my friend." 

Jane returned the hug. "Your welcome," she replied, not knowing what else to say. 

Daria let her go, grabbed her backpack and headed for the door. 

"What, where are you going?" Jane said following after her. 

"Home, I've got something to do." 

"But what did you decide?" 

"That's just it. I didn't decide anything but at least now I know what I'm deciding about. Thanks again Jane. You're the best." With that, Daria left Jane's house and headed home. 

"Why do I feel like I just walked out in the middle of a Hitchcock movie?" Jane said to no one in particular. 

Chapter 3 

At dinner that night Daria was even more introspective then usual. As if far in the distance she could vaguely hear Quinn rambling on about the Fashion Club and some party. She could barely make out her mother's reply to Quinn's question and her father's whining about the latest client he lost. 

In her mind the three things that kept repeating louder and louder were LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT...LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT... _Well, let's tackle respect first. Would I ever do something to intentionally humiliate or embarrass Tom? No, no I wouldn't do that. Would I take pleasure in seeing Tom humiliated or embarrassed? No, that would be awful. Do I take Tom for granted? No, I don't think I do. No, no I don't. I value our time together and I try to let him know that each time we are together. Okay, so respect is not a problem._

__

That leaves LOVE and TRUST, LOVE and TRUST... 

"Daria?" She finally heard her mother say. 

"What?" 

"Daria, weren't you paying attention?" Helen asked. 

"Obviously not, so if you give me a minute I can get back into my self-hypnotic state again and you can say whatever it was you were saying again." 

"Verry funny, Daria. I was just asking you if you could take Quinn shopping tomorrow for me? I have to work this weekend and your father has some seminar to attend." 

"Take Quinn shopping. Hmmm, I think I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy. Without anesthesia. It would be far less painful." 

"I told you, Mom," Quinn whined. 

"Oh come on, Daria, be a sport. Help your family out," pleaded Helen. 

"Sorry I prefer to remain a spectator. Besides I have plans for Saturday already." 

"Really and what might they be?" Inquired Helen. 

"I'm spending the day with Tom." 

"You mean your planning on having sex with that Tom," Quinn interjected. 

"WHAT!?!" exclaimed Daria in shock and dread. _How on earth did Quinn know? Did she over hear Jane and I talking after school? Was it written all over my face? No, that couldn't be it, Quinn borders on illiterate._

"What, SEX?! Why, I'll KILL that little bastard!" Jake screamed. 

"Relax Jake. Quinn was just kidding. Weren't you Quinn? Quinn? Daria?" An exasperated Helen asked nervously. 

"Relax, both of you. No, I'm not planning on having sex with Tom", Daria lied, or did she. "What made you think such a thing Quinn?" She asked. 

"Well, isn't it obvious. The way you've been sitting there in a complete trance, your either thinking about having sex or your seriously reconsidering your whole fashion sense, or lack of it." 

"Some of us have more important things to worry about than clothes or sex. For your information I was... umm, I was thinking about the college placement exams I have to take in two weeks," Daria covered. _Yeah, the placement exams, that makes sense. Are they really only two weeks away? God, I better start studying._

"Oh, don't worry about that Daria. The placement exams are just to help determine what classes you can take. Its not like they can keep you out of NYU. You've already been accepted," Helen reassured Daria. 

"But if I can score high enough on them then I can avoid taking some of the more mundane entry level classes they make most incoming freshmen take. I can start taking the meatier classes right away." 

"I admire your ambition Daria," Helen said with a smile. 

"Yeah, Way to go kiddo," chimed in Jake. Daria wondered if he even knew what they were talking about. 

__

Wow, that was close. Note to self: begin the slow poisoning of Quinn. 

"So mom, I still need to go shopping on Saturday," Quinn complained. 

"Right, Daria what time will Tom be getting out of his exam on Saturday?" Helen asked. 

"I don't know, he didn't say. He just said he'd call me when he was finished." 

"They end by 3 o'clock," blurted out Quinn. 

"How would YOU know?" Daria snapped. 

"Because the brother of a friend of a friend of mine is taking that test too. And that's the earliest my friend's friend can use his brother's car." 

"You know Quinn, if you say that 3 times really fast you might be able to make you head explode." 

"Daria!" yelled Helen. 

"Eeewww. That's dangerous," said Jake. 

"Jake, she was joking," exclaimed an exasperated Helen. 

"Right! Ha ha, good one kiddo", a nervous Jake Morgendorffer said. 

"No it's not. It was mean and sarcastic," corrected Helen. 

"Oh," Jake paused, "Umm, I forgot, I still have work to do." Jake got up and made a quick retreat to his home office, and closed the door behind him. 

After watching her husband's hasty retreat, Helen turned her attention back to the issue at hand. "So Daria, can you take Quinn shopping tomorrow morning then?" 

"Only if you have that team of wild horses corralled in the garage." 

"I'll pay for that new scanner you want for your computer," bribed Helen. 

"Throw in a fax machine and you got yourself a deal." 

"Oh, all right. But I want to see receipts for both," demanded a defeated Helen. 

Chapter 4 

That night in her bedroom, Daria lay wide-awake once more. _LOVE and TRUST...LOVE and TRUST. Well, I trust Tom enough to go out with him. I trusted him enough to take me sailing out in the open ocean and to care for me after I got seasick. I trust him enough to be in his bedroom alone and know he won't try anything. Heck, I trusted him yesterday in a completely empty house. And more than that I trust him with my feelings. He's never turned anything I've told him against me and I honestly believe he never would. I feel safe and secure around him, like nothing bad can happen to me while we're together. Yes, I trust Tom._

Daria sighed in relief. _Two down, one to go. LOVE, do I love Tom? Jane said she believed I was falling in love with him and that it scared me. She also admitted to just taking a shot in the dark on that one. But I didn't correct her. I didn't tell her she was wrong. I didn't exactly tell her she was right either. What is love anyway? Its not like I have all that much experience on the subject to be able to say without question. Yes I love him or no I don't. How do I know, how do I know how do I know..._

That thought hung on Daria's mind as she drifted off to sleep. And in her sleep she began to dream. In her dream she was standing alone in the center of a large stage, a single spotlight shining down on her while the rest of the stage and theatre was dark. 

"How Do I Know?" 

"How DO I Know?" 

"How does anyone know? Its one of the mysteries of the heart; is it love I feel or merely case of indigestion? Who is to say?" said a voice from the audience. 

"Who said that? And where am I?" asked Daria. Shading her eyes from the spotlight in hopes of seeing who spoke. 

"We are in the inner recesses of your sub-conscious." 

"So my sub-conscious looks like a badly lit stage?" 

"It does this time." 

"And you are?" 

"Don't you know?" 

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking." 

"But you summoned me." 

"I did? Why?" 

"To help you in your quest for this, the most allusive creature of all. Love." 

"Oh my God. Your William Shakespeare aren't you?" 

"The lady has found me out." 

William Shakespeare stepped into the light next to Daria. "At your service my lady," taking Daria's hand and raising it to his lips. 

"Hey," Daria pulled her hand away abruptly. "You've been dead for nearly 400 years. Who knows where those lips have been." 

"Yes. Well," he said, having been thrown for a bit of a loop. "Do you desire my assistance or not? I have far better things to do then to add a pubescent teen discover what love is," Shakespeare snapped as he turned to leave. 

"Wait. I'm sorry. Please stay." 

"And why, pray tell, should I?" responded Shakespeare, still turned away but looking over his shoulder back at Daria. 

"Because I need your help," Daria pleaded. 

"Very well." He turned around happily and approached Daria once again. 

"Now you seek to discover whether the feeling you have for this, Tom is it, are feelings of love or simply deep seated affection as one might have for a brother or close friend? Am I correct in my analysis of your dilemma?" 

"Correct. See I know I love my parents and I love my friend Jane..." 

"And your sister." 

"You've got to be joking." 

Shakespeare raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"Oh, alright, maybe I even love Quinn just a little and I know at some level I love Tom, but I don't know whether I'm in love with him or not. And I need to know." 

"Yes, you wish to consummate your love but how can you reconciliate that which may not even exist." 

"Precisely." 

"Mmmm, well perhaps this can help." 

At that moment the stage to the right of them lit up and there appeared the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet. 

Juliet: Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, 

Else would a maiden blush depaint my cheek 

For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night. 

Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny 

What I have spoken: but farewell compliment! 

Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay'; 

And I will take thy word: yet, if thou swear'st, 

Thou mayst prove false; at lover's perjuries, 

They say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo, 

If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: 

Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won, 

I'll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay, 

So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world. 

In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond; 

And therefor thou mayst think me havior light: 

But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true 

Than those that have more canning to be strange. 

I should have been more strange, I must confess, 

But that thou overheard'st ere I was ware, 

My true love's passion: therefore pardon me; 

And not input this yielding to light love, 

Which the dark night hath so discovered. 

Romeo: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear 

That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops,- 

Juliet: O, swear not by the moon, th' inconstant moon, 

That monthly changes in her circled orb, 

Lest that thy love prove likewise variable. 

Romeo: What shall I swear by? 

Juliet: Do not swear at all; 

Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, 

Which is the god of my idolatry, 

And I'll believe thee. 

Romeo: If my heart's dear love - 

Juliet: Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, 

I have no joy of this contract to-night: 

It is to rash, too unadvised, too sudden; 

Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be 

Ere one can say 'It lightens. Sweet, good night! 

This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, 

May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. 

Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest 

Come to thy heart as that within my breast! 

Romeo: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? 

Juliet: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night? 

Romeo: Th' exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine. 

Juliet: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: 

And yet I would it were to give again. 

Romeo: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, 

love? 

Juliet: But to be frank, and give it thee again. 

And yet I wish but for the thing I have: 

My bounty is as boundless as the sea, 

My love as deep; the more I give to thee, 

The more I have, for both are infinite... 

As the stage faded to black William Shakespeare turned to Daria. "Does that help, milady?" 

"Umm, well, seeing that for Romeo and Juliet it was pretty much love at first sight and Tom and I have been dating for over 8 months now, I really don't see how it applies. Besides, Tom is handsome and all but I wouldn't exactly call him a Romeo and I sure am not a Juliet by any means." 

"You base yourself but why?" 

"Come on, look at me. I'm not exactly one of your beauties in your plays." 

"Perhaps, perhaps not but ye are far from base." 

"Well, thanks, I think but back to my problem. I still don't know what it means to be in love or if I am in love with Tom." 

"Yes well, perhaps this would prove more helpful." 

This time the stage to the left of them lit up and Troilus and Cressida appeared. 

Cressida: Boldness comes to me now, and brings me 

heart:- 

Prince Troilus, I have loved you night and day 

For many weary months. 

Troilus: Why was my Cressid, then, so hard to win? 

Cressida: Hard to seem won: but I was won, my lord, 

With the first glance that ever-pardon me- 

If I confess much, you will play the tyrant. 

I love you now; but not, till now, so much 

But I might master it:-in faith, I lie; 

My thoughts were like unbridled children, 

grown 

Too headstrong for their mother:-see, we fools! 

Why have I blabb'd? who shall be true to us 

When we are so unsecret to ourselves?- 

But, though I loved you well, I woo'd you not; 

And yet, good faith, I wisht myself a man, 

Or that we women had men's privilege 

Of speaking first. Sweet, bid me hold my tongue, 

For, in this rapture, I shall surely speak 

The thing I shall repent. See, see, your silence, 

Cunning in dumbness, from my weakness draws 

My very soul of counsel?-stop my mouth. 

Troilus: And shall, albeit sweet music issues thence. 

And stage left slowly fades to black as Troilus kisses Cressida passionately. 

Shakespeare inquired, "did that prove more useful, my lady?" 

"Well I guess that is a little closer to home. But still, Cressida knows she loves Troilus, she is simply hesitant in expressing that love to him. I'm still not sure I am in love with Tom." 

"You are a challenge. Well, perhaps this will help you decide." This time Shakespeare walked to the right of the stage as the spotlight followed him, and quoted his own sonnet. 

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed, 

The dear repose for limbs with travel tired; 

But then begins a journey in my head, 

To work my mind, when body's work's expired: 

For ten my thoughts, from far where I abide, 

Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee, 

And keep my drooping eyelids open wide, 

Looking on darkness which the blind do see: 

Save that my soul's imaginary sight 

Presents thy shadow to my sightless view, 

Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night 

Make black night beauteous, and her old face new 

Lo, thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind, 

For thee and for myself no quiet find. 

How can I, then, return in happy plight, 

That am debarr'd the benefit of rest? 

When day's oppression is not eased by night, 

But day by night, and night by day, opprest? 

And each, though enemies to either's reign, 

Do in consent shake hands to torture me; 

The one by toil, the other to complain 

How far I toil, still farther off from thee. 

I tell the day, to please him thou art bright, 

And dost him grace when clouds do blot the 

heaven: 

So flatter I the swart-complexion'd night, 

When sparkling stars twire not thou gild'st the 

even. 

But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer, 

And night doth nightly make grief's strength 

seem stronger. 

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, 

I all alone beweep my outcast state, 

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, 

And look upon myself, and curse my fate, 

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, 

Featured like him, like him with friend's possest, 

Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope, 

With what I most enjoy contented least; 

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, 

Haply I think on thee,-and then my state, 

Like to the lark at break of day arising 

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; 

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth 

brings, 

That then I scorn to change my state with kings. 

Shakespeare bowed his head in silence as Daria walked over towards him. She took his hand into hers and smiled up at him. "Thank you, thank you so much. You really are timeless." 

"Thank you, lovely madam, for your kind words", as he raised her hand to his lips. This time all Daria could do was blush. 

Shakespeare looked up at Daria, opened his mouth to speak but all she heard was the high pitched squeal of someone saying, "Daria, wake up already!" 

Chapter 5 

The shrieking sound of Quinn's voice roused Daria from her sleep. She awoke with a fright seeing Quinn stand next to her bed, staring at her. 

"Ahhh! Quinn, how many times have I told you knock before coming into my room." 

"I did, but you didn't answer." 

"So you just came in here hoping to frighten me to death?" 

"Too bad it didn't work," Quinn whispered under her breath. "No, I came in here to wake you up. Its 8 o'clock already and the mall opens in an hour. You need to get up and get ready so we can be there before it opens." 

"The mall? Shopping?" Slowly Daria's head cleared from her slumber as the memory of agreeing to take Quinn to the mall came back to her. "Oh yeah. Did mom leave me any money or her credit card?" 

Quinn pulled out her mother's credit card from her pocket and handed it to Daria. "Mom said, if you charge anything else on the card other then the scanner and fax machine, it's coming out of your allowance. Now hurry up so we can go." She turned and headed out of Daria's room. 

Daria got out of bed, took a quick shower and got dressed. She saw Quinn waiting impatiently at the kitchen table as she entered the room to get herself some breakfast. 

"Come on Daria! Its 8:35 already, lets go," whined Quinn. 

As she placed a toaster tart in the toaster Daria teased, "What's the matter, worried all the really good stuff will be gone by 9:05?" 

"Very funny, I'll be waiting in the car," Quinn got up and headed for the garage. 

"Be sure to take the keys so you can start the car and whatever you do, don't open the garage door. If you start to get sleepy, just go with it." 

"Very funny, Daria," replied Quinn as she left the room. 

After breakfast Daria and Quinn drove in virtual silence to the mall. Cashman's was having its pre-summer sale and Quinn wanted to get to it before any one else from the Fashion Club did. _Better a trend setter then a trend follower,_ she thought. 

They arrived at the mall and parked. As they walked into the mall, Quinn turned to Daria and said, "You can go and get your computer stuff, I'm going to Cashman's. I'll meet you at the car around 3 o'clock." 

"Oh, no, around 3 o'clock to you means anytime between 4:00 and 6:00. You meet me at the car at precisely 2:00 or your walking home. Got it?" 

"Alright, alright, 2 o'clock." 

Quinn walked off and Daria headed toward ComputerWorld. She thought she should have called Jane and asked her to join her. She hated shopping, even when it was for something she wanted. The time would have passed more quickly in the company of her best friend, but she was wary of having Jane ask her what she finally decided to do about Tom. Though her dream last night all but made her decision for her, she feared that perhaps talking with Jane might cause her to reconsider her decision and if she was going to go through with this the last thing she wanted was to start having second thoughts. So no Jane and no more thinking about what she would do, she knew what she wanted to do and she was going to go do it. 

Daria reached ComputerWorld and started looking around at the different scanners and fax machines. A salesman walked up to her, "Hello, my name is Timotheous, may I help you with something?" 

"Well, Timotheous, if that is your real name, I'm looking to buy a scanner and a fax machine for my iMac. What would you recommend?" 

"Well that depends. Do you plan on scanning from books, magazines, and other bound items or will you be scanning strictly loose items: photographs, the like?" 

"Umm, well, I haven't really thought about it, why?" 

"Well we have some fine multifunction machines that can print, copy, scan and fax." 

"Will it slice and dice Julian Fries for me as well?" 

Timotheous laughed, "No, but you can use it to mash your potatoes in a pinch." 

This time it was Daria's turn to chuckle. Getting back to the business at hand she asked, "How much more would that cost over a separate scanner and fax?" 

Daria walked out of ComputerWorld with her new multifunction machine and zip drive. She couldn't be more pleased with herself. Not only did she manage to get a top of the line multifunction machine at a fraction of its usual price, she also made up the difference in cost with the zip drive; no sense saving her mother money unnecessarily. Preferring not to carry both items around for the next 4 hours she walked out to the car and placed them in the trunk then walked back into the mall. 

She thought she'd hang out at the bookstore for at least a few hours. It was 12:30 when Daria decided to head over to the food court and get something to eat. After eating a slice of pizza and a cola, she started heading towards the exit. She figured she'd sit in the car till 2:00, reading the book she just bought and leave the second her watch hit 2:01. She figured giving Quinn the benefit of a whole minute was fair enough. 

On her way towards the exit the window display at the new GEN-X Fashions caught her eye. One of the associates was just putting the finishing touches on a mannequin display as Daria was walking by. The mannequin had on a black dress, just above the knee, tapered but not overly fitted and high necked with no sleeves. The mannequin had on the same boots that Daria had on and the dress looked great with them. And what really made the whole thing work was the long sleeved dark hunter green bolero the associate had just finished getting on the mannequin. Daria stood in front of the window staring at the display. She was expecting tonight to be a special night, perhaps a little personal indulgence wouldn't be a bad thing. At least not for tonight, she thought. She walked into the store and inquired about the outfit in the window. 

It was already 2:18 and Quinn had been standing next to the car for just over 20 minutes. She didn't trust her sister to wait exactly until 2:00. _Daria will probably leave at 1:58 and say she waited till 2:05 for me if I don't show up early_, she thought to herself. Finally she spotted Daria walking towards the car. And to her shock, she was carrying a bag from GEN-X Fashions. 

Daria had spotted Quinn before Quinn saw her, and she could see the look of irritation on Quinn's face. Daria knew she was late, having uncharacteristically lost track of time while in GEN-X, but she was actually having fun trying on different combinations of the outfit that was in the display window. The associate kept coming up with suggestions and Daria kept trying them out. In the end she settled for the outfit as it was in the display with the addition of a beltchain. It really added a nice touch to the outfit, or so the associate said. Now, normally Daria took a measure of pleasure in irritating her sister but she was in such a good mood she actually felt a small degree of guilt for keeping Quinn waiting. _I'll make peace before she can even say anything, this way we can go home in peace and not be distracted from my thoughts,_ she reasoned; thoughts of Tom, thoughts of later this afternoon. 

"Sorry Quinn, I guess I lost track of time. I know that's no excuse. I'm sorry." 

"Never mind that. Daria, I knew it, I just knew it." 

"Knew what?" 

"Your look, you're changing your look." 

"What are you talking about? Just because I bought one outfit doesn't mean I've become a slave to fashion. I came across something I liked so I bought it." 

"What ever, let me see it, let me see." 

Now Daria was growing impatient "No." She unlocked the car placed her bag in the back seat and got behind the wheel. Quinn placed her bags in the back seat as well and got in the passenger seat. 

"Come on Daria, we can try on our outfits and model them for each other." 

"Sure, then we can break out our Barbies and mix and match their outfits as well. Then maybe we can do each others hair before we have to catch the last space shuttle to Mars." 

"Okay, okay, you don't have to get all sarcastic," Quinn paused. 

"You know Daria, mom did say you had to pay for anything other then your computer stuff out of your own pocket. You didn't use mom's credit card for your outfit did you?" 

"Damn! She did say that didn't she." 

"If I tell Mom I asked you to pick up that outfit for me then its just another one of my outfits and covered under my clothing allowance." 

"Okay, what do you want in return, a term paper, a kidney, what?" 

"Eew, Daria, don't be gross. I just want you to model your new outfit for me that's all." 

"Umm, well I guess that's worth $135.00, okay." 

Quinn smiled, she couldn't wait. She'd seen some of the items in GEN-X before and while it wasn't her speed, some of the things in there were pretty cool. 

When they got home, Daria took a quick shower and changed into her new outfit. It fit perfectly. She laced up her boots and walked into Quinn's room. Quinn looked up from her makeup desk and turned to look at her sister. 

"So, what do you think?" 

"Wow, Daria, you look great." 

"Really? Your not just saying that so I can leave the house like this and get laughed at in public, are you?" 

"Daria, please, when it comes to fashion I would never joke around." 

"So you really think I look good?" Daria turned from side to side and all the way around. 

"Umm." 

"Umm what? What's wrong?" Daria asked self-consciously. 

"Well, Its nothing really." 

"What is it?" 

"Well, its just, the bolero over the dress looks really cool and stuff but your hair is so long your lose the whole effect from the back." 

"The effect. Right." Daria started heading for the door. Quinn jumped up, grabbing her hand mirror in one hand she grabbed Daria's shoulder with the other. "If you don't believe me, see for yourself." Quinn turned Daria so her back was to her wall mirror. Then she held up the hand mirror so Daria could see her own back. 

Quinn was right. She looked like she had green arms growing out of her hair.Normally, something like this wouldn't have bothered Daria. She didn't overly concern herself with her appearance but today, right now, it did matter. "Damn, $135.00 down the drain." 

"Relax Daria, its not the end of the world." Quinn headed for her makeup desk, pulled open her hair accessory draw and started rummaging thought it. She pulled out two hair scrunches and turned back to Daria. 

"Which do you prefer, the black or the burnt orange?" 

"Wait a minute. I'm not putting my hair up in some weird style." 

"I'm not going to put your hair up, just pull it together a little in a loose ponytail." 

"Umm." 

"So which one?" 

Daria smiled at Quinn, "The orange." 

Quinn smiled back; "I thought so." She grabbed her brush and ran it through Daria's hair a few times then pulled the dark orange scrunchy through her hair, positioning it low at around her neck. It had the desired effect of pulling her hair together and revealing the jacket from behind. Quinn held up the mirror once more so Daria could see. "Amazing what a small piece of material and elastic can do." She liked the look. She looked from the mirror to Quinn and smiled, "Thanks, Quinn." 

"Your welcome, Daria." 

"No, I mean thanks." 

"I know. Your welcome." 

Daria smiled again. This was weird. She couldn't remember ever feeling closer to her sister then she did right now. She started taking a step toward her, filled with the overwhelming urge to give her a hug. Just then the phone rang. Quinn instinctively turned and reached for the phone. "Oh, hi Sandi." 

__

Okay, the moment has passed. Thank God. Time to leave. 

Daria turned and started walking out the door as Quinn was engaged in some mindless drivel with the Fashion Club's Queen Bee. As Daria passed the doorway, Quinn said, "Sandi, hold on for a minute," covering the receiver she said, "Daria!" Getting her sister's attention, Daria turned to look at Quinn to see what she wanted. 

"Thank you," Quinn smiled. 

Daria paused a second, said "Your welcome," smiled back, and then walked away to her room. 

Chapter 6 

Daria looked at her watch, _Quarter to four,_ as she looked at herself one more time in the mirror. _Quinn was right, I did look good. And there is no harm in that. It wasn't like I bought this outfit to impress Tom. No way. I am not that shallow. I bought it because I liked it. I liked how it looked on me. Yes that was it. Not to impress or seduce but simply because I liked it. Just as I liked my black pleated skirt, burnt orange blouse and green fleece jacket. Yes, I bought these items because I liked them just like I bought these. But what if Tom thinks I bought them for him, with him in mind. Will he think me shallow, vain, egotistical? And what if he takes this new outfit as a sign that I'm ready to go all the way with him. Whether it's true or not, I don't want him getting the idea that I'm wearing my thoughts and my intentions in the clothes I have on. Maybe it would be best just to change back into my old clothes and save this outfit for some other time. Yes, that's probably the prudent thing to do. _

Just then the phone rang. It stopped after only one ring. A moment later Daria heard Quinn yell. "Daria, pick up the phone, it's Tom!" 

Daria went over to her bed, sat down and picked up her phone. "Thanks Quinn." She waited for the click. "Hi Tom, how did the testing go?" 

"Hi Daria, not bad. Much better then I expected to tell you the truth. I feel I have you to thank." 

"Me? Why?" 

"Well, to be honest, I wasn't able to concentrate very well yesterday while I was trying to study but the three hours that you helped me on Thursday night more then made it up. I don't know if it was clairvoyance on your part or just dumb luck but it seemed that the majority of the questions were in some way related to the questions you drilled me on. Strange, huh?" 

"Actually I was just using the book to hide my crystal ball from you." 

"Well, should I start calling you Madam Daria then?" 

"Only if you want to pay $99.00 for the first minute and $69.00 for each following minute." 

"Umm, well you know there is a lot to be said for dumb luck." 

"So are you coming over?" 

"Actually, I just pulled up in front of your house." 

"What?!" 

"My mom left me her cell phone for the weekend. I thought I'd surprise you." 

"Well, consider your mission complete." _So much for changing._

"I thought we'd go out and celebrate." 

"Celebrate what?" 

"The successful completion of my placement exams of course." 

"Of course. Okay well, I guess I'll hang up now and go answer the door." 

"Be sure to hurry please. I've really missed you." 

Daria thought to reply in kind but opted to just hand up the phone. 

She got up, checked herself in the mirror one last time and headed down the stairs. 

She opened the door just as Tom reached the landing. She immediately saw his eyes grow large as he took in her new look. 

"Daria..." 

Before he could say anything else she stepped out the door and closed it behind herself, not wanting Quinn to over hear what she had to say. "I don't want you thinking I bought this outfit for you." 

"Of course not." 

"And don't read anything into it either, just because I chose this time to change my look doesn't mean I've decided to sleep with you." 

"Of course not." 

"This wasn't an act of vanity or seduction. I simply saw an outfit in the store that I liked and I bought it. Simple as that." 

"Absolutely." 

"I didn't buy it to impress you." 

"Of course not." 

"I bought it for me, because I liked it." 

"I understand." 

"Good," she paused for a second and looking in Tom's eyes to see if he was being sincere. When she was satisfied, she said, "Good. I'm glad we understand each other." 

"So am I." 

"Good," she said one last time, then started walking towards Tom's car. 

Walking beside her Tom turned and said, "By the way, you look especially lovely today." 

Daria stopped in her tracks and looked down and away to hide the redness that came over her face. When she felt the blush subside she turned towards Tom. "Thank you." She leaned in and kissed him. 

"Your welcome," Tom replied after they broke their kiss. 

Still in each other's arms, Daria continued, "And I'm sorry for overreacting. I suppose I should have known that wearing a new outfit would result in some type of reaction from you. I just didn't want you to think I was shallow enough to use my appearance to sway or influence our relationship." 

"Daria, when I look at you, many things come to mind, many wonderful things. Shallow is never one of them." 

"You really do know how to charm a girl." 

"There's only one girl I'm interested in charming," he said while looking deeply into her eyes. _He touches my soul, how could I not love him. He is so easy to love, _Daria mused. 

"Penny for your thoughts." 

Daria broke her muse, took Tom's hand and started walking towards his car, "Only a penny? Cheapskate." 

"I would have offered $50.00 because of inflation but I didn't want you to think I was trying to buy my way into your thoughts." 

"Are you kidding? I've established a retirement fund for myself off the bribe money I've gotten from my parents. I was just wondering where we were going to celebrate." She didn't want to talk about her feeling for him just yet. 

Tom knew Daria well enough to know she wasn't telling him the truth or at least not the whole truth, but he also knew that if it were something important, she'd get around to telling him sooner or later. He knew not to worry about it. "I thought we'd go to a little restaurant just north of town. It doesn't look like much and the food there isn't great." 

"Sounds like a winner to me." 

"But they have a live band every Saturday, mostly progressive stuff. I thought you might like it." 

Daria's tone of voice changed. "Sounds perfect." 

She got in the car, happy with the way the day had gone so far and hoping the best was yet to come. The restaurant was better then she expected. The food was actually quite good and the music was very entertaining. While they played some old standards by Pink Floyd, Moody Blues, Jethro Tull and Frank Zappa, they also played some original stuff. It wasn't the type of music she normally listened to so maybe it was the change of pace she liked. What ever it was Daria was having a great time. 

She checked her watch; it was already past 8:00. She leaned over the table and said loudly so Tom could hear her, "Why don't we get going?" 

Tom nodded, left a tip and got up to leave. 

They walked out hand in hand. 

The late evening sky was clear and starry_. A perfect night to what was turning into a better then perfect day,_ Daria thought as Tom opened the car door for her. _Now is the time to let him know no reason to leave him hanging any longer. He deserves to know what I've decided though I'm pretty sure he could probably read it on my face already. But I'm not leaving anything to chance. I'll tell him I love him and I'm ready to move on in our relationship. Simple as that._

Tom was in the car now and had placed the key in the ignition when Daria reached over and placed her hand on his, stopping him from starting the car. 

"Yes Daria?" 

"Umm," _How to start, how to start?_ Daria pondered. 

"Tom, I just want to thank you." 

"Your welcome. I don't know anyone else I would have wanted to spend this evening with more." 

"Well, this evening has been great but that's not what I mean." 

"Oh." 

"I mean thank you for telling me that story the other night, for stopping what may have happened, what almost happened." 

"I see," Tom said with a small measure of disappointment in his voice_. She's made up her mind and its `no Tom I don't love you`. _

"No, I didn't mean to imply." _ Get this right Daria, _ she told herself, "I guess I've been enjoying our relationship, up to this point, so much that I haven't taken the time to analyze my feelings for you. You made me do just that and that is what I'm thanking you for." 

Tom paused a moment to take in what Daria just said. "And what did your self-analysis reveal?" 

"Well, for one thing, it showed me how lucky I am to have a wise and caring friend." 

Daria continued, "a friend who helped me see that there are three things essential to a lasting relationship; respect, trust and love." 

Tom nodded in agreement. 

"I spent all last evening and last night going over these three things. And what I found to be true is that... well. Tom, I trust you as much as anyone I've ever known." 

Tom broke a small smile. 

"And I do respect you, your opinions and ideas." 

Tom's smile got a little bigger, "And what about the third thing?" he asked cautiously. 

"Well," turning away for only a moment to steel herself. Daria looked Tom squarely in the eyes. 

"Tom?" 

"Yes, Daria." 

"I love you. I love you more then anyone I've ever known." 

They reached for each other and embraced in a passionate kiss. 

Tom was so relieved. His deepest fears had haunted him over the past two days. To know now that Daria loved him was a relief beyond measure. He wanted to tell her how he felt as well, but he didn't want to stop kissing her either. In between kisses and breaths Tom said, "Oh Daria, I feel the same way too." 

"Mmm." 

"I do trust you, 

with my heart, 

my very soul." 

"MMmmm" 

"I respect you, 

more then you'll ever know." 

"Mmm, mmm" 

"I feel myself 

falling in love 

with you more 

and more each time 

we are together." 

"MMmmm..., What?" Daria opened her eyes, and gently pushed Tom away. The memory of what Tom said the other night came back to her_ I feel myself falling in love with you and if we were to make love I would surely fall in love with you. _

In his confusion Tom asked, "What's wrong? Is it something I said?" 

An epiphany came over Daria that moment and all she could do was smile to herself, _ Unbelievable, I've fallen in love with Tom before he has fallen in love with me. I'm further along in my feelings for Tom then he is for me. As cautious and cynical as I am, I'm the first to let their guard down and fall in love. SUCKER! _"It's what you just said. You said the same thing the other day. You said, I'm falling in love with you, not, I've fallen in love with you." 

Tom nodded slightly, "I also said if we were to make love, I would surely fall in love with you." 

"But do you love me now?" 

"I guess I don't really see the difference?" 

"The difference is, do you want to make love to me because your in love with me or will you fall in love with me if you make love to me?" 

Tom paused._ You fool, you were so worried about yourself not getting hurt if you made love to her while she didn't love you that you didn't take the time to look deep in your heart to realize you would be hurting her by doing the same thing. _

He looked up at Daria and seeing her sitting there so calm, so self-assured just served to make him feel worse about himself. "I'm so sorry Daria. I didn't see the difference, I guess I thought... I don't know what I thought." He focused on her eyes wanting to convey the deep sincerity of his words. "I have deep feelings for you Daria, and yes I do love you. And I know the more we are together the deeper these feelings of love grow, but if I'm going to be honest with you and with myself... I don't love you the same way you love me, not right now." 

Daria could see the sadness in his eyes. It was really bothering him that he didn't feel for her the way she felt for him. She touched his face, caressing his check and gently lifting his chin to force him to make eye contact. She looked at him with eyes overflowing with sympathy and compassion. "It's okay Tom, really. I'm just a little ahead in the game, that's all. I guess its my turn to be patient. I can wait." 

Tom placed his hand under Daria's and moved it to his lips. He kissed her palm and caressed it against his check. "I don't deserve you." 

"Probably not, but you're stuck with me," she teased. 

"I'll take you home now if you like." 

"Actually, I'd kind of like to go over by the pier if you don't mind?" 

"Not at all, but I thought you swore off boating forever?" 

"I did, I just want to see the stars reflect off the ocean. It's the only thing I did enjoy about our little sailing trip, even though I was too sick to appreciate it." 

Tom smiled, Daria smiled back, "To the pier then." 

The pier was deserted. They parked and walked to the water's edge. With it being completely dark out now, there was a slight chill in the air. Daria shivered slightly. Noticing this, Tom came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Daria placed her arms over his and leaned back into his chest, as the both admired the stars both in the sky and dancing off the waves. 

__

This is right, this is how it should be. Our time will come, maybe not today but soon. Meanwhile, what we have now is pretty damn good. No reason to screw this up over a few overactive hormones. She let out a heavy breath of contentment. _I'm in love with him, and he'll be in love with me soon enough, if I have anything to do with it_. She smiled to herself, _And I do._

The End 

So what did you think? This being my first attempt at fanfiction I am dying to know what your thoughts on my story are. Please email me and let me know. 

Thanks, 

Ashitaka 

aamishi@netscape.net 


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